THIS IS THE STORY OF MY GAY, GAY LIFE

I experienced culture shock from the province to city life.  The environment was quite different and the people's lifestyle too.  I continued to hide myself, the real me but it was so obvious.  I was bullied in school- mostly my boy classmates and even my freshman adviser.  I don't want to go into details.  For 4 years in high school, I never enter the male restroom.

I was more close with girls until college.  When I thought about it, friends, that's what girls were to me really.  They were caring and nurturing- qualities I wanted to develop in myself.  I used to like girls who fit the mother image.  They've since become like sisters to me.

I graduated in college and got my first job for only 22 days.  Then, I transferred in another company permanently and that's my job until now. That's the time also I accepted what I am and admitted it before Rustom Padilla and Ricky Martin did.  I explored the gay world and the "No Matter What" of Boyzone is ever my favorite song. I was just continuing to be myself.  I didn't start yo dress differently or make an effort to flaunt my new-found self.  being gay wasn't a role I had to take on, so why should i change costumes or put on a show?  Salamat na alng hindi ako natuluyan to be a parlor gay.  But even, still I can't judge those who are.  They're still gays, like me, and they're just as human as you and me.  it's not their obligation to change who they are.  It's society's obligation to change the way we view them.  Somehow, open-minded na ang mga tao ngayon.  Somehow, they accepted, appreciate and even admired gays at last.

Back then, I went home proud being who I am.  There was no big dramatic scene with my family wherein I sat them all down for my big confession.  I didn't feel the need to tell them I was gay  after all.  I didn't need to hear them say they accepted me.  Do i need them to tell me, they're straight?  of course not.  Being straight or gay doesn't define you as a person.  it's not what you are, it's what you do.  I didn't change or did anything bad in their eyes, so the way they treated me didn't change either.  I saw more respect and feel the understanding instead.  May power na kasi ako.  May pinatunayan...  But mom always reminds me, "Huwag ka palagi makipag-close sa bakla."  Ang biro ko namang sagot, "Eh, bakla ako."  pero when it comes to my brothers, tahimik lang ako.  Ayoko ko humantong sa away at mabugbog ako at masabunutan ko sila.  Joke lang.  May isang tao nga biniro ako, "Kukuha tayo ng pokpok para makatikim ka naman."Ang sagot ko naman,"Natikman ko na pareho.  Kaw ba nakatikim na ng lalaki?"  That's so gay or bakla!  In a perfect world, it would be a compliment, not a put down.  We would be considered normal.  Right now, we've conditioned ourselves to be proud of our difference, to think of it as being special.

I used to think homosexuality developed because of one's environment and one's influences while growing up, but now I believe people are born homosexual.  But if I were born again, I don't want to be a gay nor my son.  It's not that I hate myself gay and I hate gay people but I don't want to experience again and my so will struggle the same way i experienced.  it's happy to be gay but it's more happy to have a normal feeling.


P.S.  I came out in a reality being gay because I realized it's hard to fool other people, to fool girls and most of all, to fool myself.  As a compliment, hindi nga normal pero masaya keysa you are pretending the rest of your life.