Looking back 27 years ago (I am 34 years old now), facing the mirror wearing a big bra, duster and 2 inch high heeled shoes- the signs of being a gay. I was left alone at home that time. All of the sudden, my brother arrived and he caught me in that embarrassing situation. For the men in the family-my father and brothers, gay is not acceptable. It was my mom who always known I was gay because we were together most of the times.
Born in the 70's and grew up in the 80's, gay was really a big deal. It was shameful on the part of the family members. They were very conservative. There was the added trauma of dealing with a judging society. people who knew me insisted I had been in the closet because they always had suspected I was gay, as if i had simply been pretending not to be gay. That was harsh. I hid myself inside the room when we had visitors at home. Judgmental people were practically calling me a liar to myself, and the worst kind, too, because I had been lying about who I was. There was a time I even asked myself, "Is homosexuality a problem that needs to be solved, or a deadly illness that urgently needs to be cured?"
I went to the city after my Elementary graduation and pursued my studies in a private school. I still brought the heavy luggage inside me.
to be continued....
10 comments:
maybe during 80s, but now it's not a big deal anymore. i love gays, alam mo ba i have gay friends too and i get along well with them and love them so much. so pag napunta ka manila, it's a riot for us.. i'm a gay girl. char..
Not that I want to give addtional burden to you, but then unless we (meaning not only the "me" but also those "around me" fully deal with our concern, it will keep on following us like a known stalker that we can not caught on the act.
But hey, being able to show who you really are is admirable. I have gay friends too and I admire them, esp those who admitted their reall sexual orientation.
i have gay friends too. i think it was harder then. but now, i don't think it's a big deal anymore. do you still feel being judged or something ba? if you are, don't be. lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanya stereotypes eh, even with straight persons. just embrace it. and they will love you for it. :)
Nuts: Tama. Am a gay guy here. char. lol
Renin: Gumaan pakiramdam kapag magpakatotoo. Mas happy.
Reena: Thanks. Wala na, nalagpasan ko na lahat. I am happy now.
hey, i came back.. saw your pic there at di pwede di ako magcomment. mga pic nun treasure talaga sa kin. i know there are more stories behind that pic. very nostalgic. (sabay plugging..jk) no kidding, ang seryoso mo sa pic.. hihi
ah so emo blog pala to. haha. anuveh. di na yan big deal ngayon noh. keber kung anu sabihin nila. basta wala kang tinatapakang tao, keri na yun teh. hayaan mo sila. yung mga judgemental, mga inggit lang yun dahil hindi sila masaya. sabihin mo sa kanila tse sila.
mf! u know that i love u dba and i accept u no matter what! mwah mwah! :x
Nuts: Sigurado ka ba kung sino ako sa apat na nasa photo? hehehe. nakita ko nga yung entry mo.
so personal ito MF. Pero i decided i-mix ko na. Hindi ko pa maiiwan ang other blog ko. kelangan ko lang mag dotcom.sayang ang pr 4 ng other blog ko.
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