MY FIRST EVER CRUSH

I used to have a childhood sweetheart when I was 8 years old.  I still look and admire pretty ladies.  However, I can only offer them my friendship.  It was different with boys.  No brotherly love here.  I wanted something more.  There's an attraction present that isn't there with your friends.  Let's face it:  sexual attraction is what defines one's sexuality.  No matter how close we are with our girl friends or how much we care about them, there are boundaries we won't ever cross because they're straight and we're gay.

Let's call my crush "J".  J caught my attention one morning when I was in the school lobby and he was crossing the street to our school.  He was so lean as if a puff of wind would blow him away,  He was moreno and tall.  His tantalizing eyes really caught my eyes.  With the male appearance, my imagination really flowed.  But whenever I would describe a female character, the description would be brief.  And this was before I even knew what being gay was!

Back then, I became an inquisitive fellow searching everything about J and of course the first thing I wanted to know was his name.  The next weird thing I did was sending him an admiration letter.  After he received my letter (Of course I knew because it was posted in the school bulletin board.), I noticed some good changes in him.  Before he was always late.  Before he looked as if bagong gising.  Before he dressed up like walang pakialam.  The after image of him changed into neat, always smiling with matching pa-cute, and went to school early.

I continued to stalk him until I got his home address and telephone number.  Wala pang mobile phone noon.  I got the personal information in the guidance office, sa student's file.  I sent him a Christmas card but I graduated in high school that school year.  The next school year, he was on his last year in high school.  I still updated about him since my niece who is closest to me (we are close in age too.)  was a junior high school in our Alma mater.  We tried to call him for the first time but he was not yet home.  On the following night we called him again and my niece introduced herself to him as the admirer.  That's what we call poser.  We were both poser.  Bad us!  In between lines, pinapasa ng niece ko ang phone sa akin at nakikinig lang ako.  Since then, he went home early and they talked on the phone every night.  But the kalokohan cut off with this line:  "Ti ma-phonepal na lang kamu, di na lang kamu maeskwela?!"  It was my spinster sister's voice.

This is the only memory I still have and keep from "J" :-) <3